In case there was anyone left thinking I started out just a normal girl and might have picked up a quirk or two through the journey of life, let me now relieve you of such illusions and tell you about what happened in my earliest childhood.
Normal kids have monsters under the bed or possibly in the closet. Mine lived in the ceiling.
And he wasn’t a monster. At least not until he came out and showed himself.
Ah yes, the wild one. My friend who lived above the bedroom ceiling.
He was a peculiar fella. Sometimes he’d be asleep before me, and the cracks between the ceiling tiles would be dark. Other times I could see the light through the cracks, and this told me the wild one was entertaining guests. He was very discreet at those times, no loud music or anything, so I just accepted it as a fact of life.
The wild one didn’t live directly above my bed. He was sort of in the ceiling above the middle of the outside wall. If there was a chair at the foot of my bed, which was placed along the wall, he’d be above that chair.
How did I learn his name was the wild one? I don’t freaking know! I was a kid, maybe 3-6 years old. Kids just sort of know these things.
He wasn’t part of the regular ghosts in this house, cause there were a few. He was something else. I mean, hello! He was blue! Which I didn’t know in the beginning of course, but still.
He was a resident. He lived there. Nothing strange about it. He came and went and I don’t know if he payed us rent or not.
So yes, we lived out there, in the woods. And we had a little tenant.
I can’t remember a time when the wild one wasn’t living with us. A part of me might have suspected that he wasn’t paying rent, and even though I mentioned him to my parents I didn’t really want to say anything that might get him into trouble. He was sort of my little secret.
For years this went on. The wild one never bothered me, and I was content with just determining whether he was asleep or entertaining before I rolled over and fell asleep.
Then came that fateful evening, that night when the wild one showed himself. I had just gone to bed but wasn’t ready to fall asleep yet. I had my light on and was reading. Probably “The little house on the prairie”, I loved those books, lol. And yes I could read at 5.
Suddenly I became aware of this bigass blue fuzzy thing that had sort of poured itself out from a crack in the ceiling… I distinctly remember it not being there before I went to bed.
Shaped like an amorphous water drop, dark blue in color, fuzzy, kind of like the cookie monster. Size: big!
Just a little footnote: The Muppets didn’t air in Sweden for the first time until January 14, 1978, when I was 6. I can’t be sure, but I think this happened before that. At least I had zero cookie monster associations at the time.
This thing was hanging from the ceiling and the base of it was just below my bed, but it was bending slightly up, looking at me. And when I say look, I don’t really recall it having eyes, but I’m assuming it had some because it expressed feelings somehow. The overall feeling at this time was curiosity. Nothing malicious at all, yet when bigass fuzzy, blue, amorphous blobs are hanging from the ceiling and you’re around 5, you go get your mother! This part I have regretted ever since.
When I return with my disbelieving mother, fearing it will have gone away, I still see it, only now it’s much smaller and the color is some sort of magenta/purple. The feeling it’s projecting is that of disappointment. In me. For becoming scared. For ruining everything.
I remember this so well. I felt so bad. Like it had been waiting for me to be comfortable around it before it finally revealed itself. And when it did it took a form that was the least likely to scare a kid. And yet I was scared. I think I killed it somehow.
To this day I can almost cry thinking about this. How I’ve wished for a second chance. How ashamed I still feel for not passing the test.
But on the other hand, who knows what that thing was. IF it was at all. I mean, never before or after have I ever had a problem differentiating between fantasy and reality. I don’t actually believe it was a hallucination in any way, but on the other hand it’s such an incredibly weird thing to have happened. Never EVER have I heard of anyone who has experienced anything remotely like this!
And no, my mother didn’t see it.
It never returned. And I tried not to think about it again. But I believe this is where I picked up the first thorn of guilt that has stayed with me always.
I have actually talked to the ceiling several times in that room. Just in case, you know. (And there went the last 3 readers who thought I might have a shred of sanity left…)
No more blobs. Nothing. Whatever it was, if it was in the first place, is now gone.
Now the spooks of the house were quite adamant and pushy. They were around. And that was just another fact of life.
We were a Christian family. When the ghosts got too close, my mother and I would kneel at the base of the stairs leading to the attic and pray. Calm would follow, but it would never last. They always came back, and I think this is where I picked up the first thorn of doubt, that made me question just about everything. (Hmm, this house was very generous with thorns…)
I’m not going to go into details about the spooks. They were just around, mostly in the attic that later became the second floor where my room was. They’d follow you around when you were stealing ice creams from the big ice box up there. They’d stand at the foot of your friend’s mattress and watch them sleep when they were staying the night. They’d appear as a luminous mist in the barn in the pitch black winter night and take on the form of someone headless. You know, the usual.
As an adult, the only spook I remember seeing was over at a friend’s place. A brief, fraction of a second glimpse. More like being aware of rather than actually seeing. Yet, the image is still crystal clear in my mind today. An elderly woman, stern, skinny, dressed in a dark blue dress with white lace around the neck. Grey hair, like steel almost, tied in a tight bun in the neck.
Turns out it was my friend’s great grandmother. Makes sense because she appeared right by the wall where my friend’s family photos were hanging. None of her great grandmother though.
I don’t think I have any mysterious abilities in general, but there are a few. One is that I’m in two places at once. That’s kinda nifty!
I’m here, where I am, seeing through my eyes. And I’m also about 3 feet in front of me, slightly to my right, about 7-8 feet up.
Yeh I know. I challenge you to find ONE occasion where I claimed to be normal! I never did so you can’t sue me! 😉
What I mean is that my consciousness is somehow split. Like I am aware of the world from two different viewpoints at the same time. Only, the higher one I believe actually IS my higher self, because it’s so goddamn wise and righteous and disgustingly fair all the time… Super inconvenient when you are having a row with someone and the higher you keeps showing you how it looks from the viewpoint of the person you’re arguing with. Like I care, I’m freaking right!!! Dammit. How dare you be so darn fair and just and stuff? I thought you were supposed to be on my side?
But the higher me doesn’t take sides. She’s all holy and mild and wise and smiles. And of course her point wins in the end. As soon as my earthly self’s Scorpio rage has settled I somehow fuse into her and grow, I guess is the only way I can explain it.
I think she simply is my spirit. That I for some absurd reason have always been aware of. Or she is a guardian angel, but I don’t think so because I distinctly feel like she is me…
She’s a bit of a hippie, but a scary smart one. And when she needs to she can summon unbelievable strength. You don’t want to mess with her when she’s in that mood! But mostly I think she’s content with just about everything and reminds me not to sweat the small stuff, which we puny humans tend to do.
So yeh, people are having all sorts of paranormal, spiritual experiences. None of them seem to be like mine though. Great. Don’t I feel all special? Blue amorphous blobs and two-in-one viewpoints? Sure, I’m fine! Totally normal…
Think I’m gonna go swim now. See ya!